Indian Love Call

We so-called snow birds who are fortunate enough to be able to spend our winters in Florida, are proud whenever anything Canadian is mentioned in the news; anything. Sometimes, during an unseasonable cold spell of weather, Canada is blamed for inflicting the arctic air. We even take pleasure from that, accepting, as it were, a sort of left-handed acknowledgment, from big brother, that our country does exists.

When the news media does favor us with some kind words, for whatever reason, we really lap it up. A few years ago, as an example, the Canadian Embassy spirited American hostages out of Iran and the response from our American hosts was overwhelming. Even stores and restaurants put up signs toasting Canadians. They made us feel that we were truly kissing cousins, for awhile at least, and we loved it. We magnanimously accepted their words of gratitude, with the patented Queen Elizabeth wave, as if to say, “Think nothing of it. Call on us at any time. We’re glad to be of help.”

A different situation arose when our Blue Jays won the World Series. Big Brother was the “woundee” and we were the “wounders.” America’s national pride was offended. Then when the Jays did it again, in the next year, we naturally puffed up but congratulations were grudging at best. We were now the “visiting team,” the outsiders. There was no joy in Mudville; mighty Casey and a bunch of our American buddies, (God bless em all), had struck out. I must admit we gloated. We’re human, after all.

It’s all so childish, really, when you get right down to it, because none of the Jay’s players are Canadian, after the one we had was traded away. Still, since we are the little brother, we relish every chance at center stage.

Like most little brothers, Canadians suffer from an inferiority complex and it shows. We are slow to acknowledge and defend the relative worth of our culture, our heroes and our organizations, until big brother or other outsiders, tease or ridicule. Then hopefully we do respond, sooner or later . . . usually later.

Take for instance, a national institution like the world renowned RCMP, the Royal Canadian Mounted Police. We naturally deplore anything that tends to besmirch its fine reputation.

Unfortunately, an event many years ago did stain the Mountie image. Hollywood’s musical, starring Nelson Eddy and Jeanette MacDonald, featured the song, Indian Love Call, which is also known as When I’m Calling You. That movie stereotyped the Mounties and lessened their stature as a world class organization.

Since then, the FBI and CIA, by comparison, have became household names whose exploits are reported and applauded in the press, on stage, screen and radio. In the meantime, our Mounties are seen to be still riding horses to get their man, while wearing scarlet tunics and Boy Scout hats. Also, the movie left the impression that a volunteer needed a strong baritone voice to be accepted as a recruit. The worldwide reputation of Canada’s historic police force was badly tarnished and the stain has irked me all these years.

I finally organized a Restore the RCMP Image Foundation, (RRIF), to take remedial action. Media coverage was excellent and even newspaper financial pages carried news about RRIF doings, almost daily. The general public applauded our plan to return the RCMP to its rightful position among the great law enforcement agencies of the world. When we announced our intention to remake the movie, telling the true story, the response was good from both the public and from the business sector. Thousands of concerned Canadians donated; the true, generous Canadian spirit at work; don’t act, react. Large, public minded corporations, especially the Breweries, invested heavily.

Everyone in the RRIF group worked hard. We had completed considerable research; the Board had approved the writer’s final draft; we had selected the cast and we had almost reached the start of the actual shooting. This is the story, as we would have presented it:

Indian love Call (New Version)

Rocky Robideaux, a renegade Canadian Indian, from the far north, went to St. Petersburg, Florida for the annual “Spring Break.” He was tall and handsome and a real ladies man especially when he was so far away from his wife. He cruised the singles bars where he met and captivated a young Seminole Princess named Clearwater. The scoundrel treated her shamefully and before leaving, stole some of her priceless family heirlooms and then flew back to the great white north.

The RCMP detachment immediately began to work. Sargeant Genoux assigned the case to his second in command, his number two, a Corporal Kew, our protagonist. Genoux tells Kew, “Find this F.B.I. Robideaux and bring him in. And make sure you retrieve those stolen ‘Indian Rocks’.”

Kew was skeptical about dealing with Robideaux, if he was a U.S. Federal Agent, until the Sargeant explained that, to him, F.B.I. meant “Friggin Big Indian.” Kew was relieved at that news but he was otherwise troubled because he felt that he had a conflict of interest. Corporal Kew was in love with Robideaux’s oldest daughter.

The name of Robideaux’s daughter and of other characters in our version of the story, are different from those in the old movie. For example, the girl’s name is actually in the song. Yet Hollywood didn’t choose to use it. It’s very plain in the lyrics which read, “When I’m Calling You, Oo Oo Oo, Oo Oo Oo. That’s her name, Oo Oo Oo Robideaux.” Hollywood left it in the song but ignored it otherwise. (Oo is pronounced like the double letter o in the word too)

Corporal Kew had been trying to see Oo Oo Oo, for some time and he has been unsuccessful. Oo Oo Oo for her part, has never particularly liked Kew and now that he was chasing her father, she wants nothing to do with him. In desperation, he decides to call her on the telephone. Even that didn’t succeed but that is how the song gets its title; Indian Love (telephone) Call. Hollywood never told us about that.

Oo Oo Oo has a sister named Sue. She always answers the phone calls from Kew. Sue doesn’t have much family loyalty and isn’t fussy about her men friends. This fat and dumpy, young Indian girl idolizes Kew, without reservation. She’s also a very good singer so she fits into our story line quite well.

Meanwhile, Kew is after Rocky, his quarry. As expected, the Mounties, soon, “get their man.” There is a long, speedy chase, reminiscent of the action in the movie “The French Connection.” Robideaux is captured and taken into custody.

Our chase scenes will show the skill and ingenuity of the Mounties at their best. For example, as the chase progresses, Kew commandeers a well-trained dog-sled team, leaving his horse as security. Later when a severe storm develops, he wisely changes to a snowmobile, trades his Boy Scout hat for a helmet and shows the high standards of skillful driving learned at the RCMP academy.

The chase demonstrates that the Mounties can successfully utilize the very latest transportation technology which, in this case, proves to be even faster than the speed of an accomplished snowshoer, like Robideaux.

At the trial, the judge remands Robideaux to the custody of his wife, Madame Shrew Robideaux. The judge is lenient partly because Robideaux returns the stolen jewelry. Mainly, though, a prison sentence is avoided because Princess Clearwater withdraws her paternity suit. (We don’t elabourate on that aspect of the story because this is going to be a movie for family viewing).

At home, after the trial, the chastened Robideaux finds that his wife, Shrew, is not as lenient as the judge had been and he begins serving a life sentence of female domination.

Sergeant Genoux retires from the force and he marries Oo Oo Oo. Corporal Kew gets promoted. The picture ends with Kew and Sue, walking through the ice floes in the Arctic twilight. Looking back at Oo Oo Oo and Genoux, Kew and Sue sing the new version of the Indian Love Call:

‘Indian Love Call’ Lyrics

“When I’m calling you, Oo Oo Oo, Robideaux
You don’t answer Kew, Number Two, Oo Oo Oo,
Instead it’s always your sister Sue, who’s on the phone.
Since you refused me, here’s what she’ll do
Receiving my dial tone.
Sister Sue will keep my wigwam and my beer
I’ll forget your shimmering beauty, so dear
Happy I’ll be, a papoose on each knee.
I’ll belong to Sue and R C M P.”

Unfortunately, a last minute development has forced RRIF to reconsider its big plans for this movie. Now everything is on hold again as it was, earlier in the project, when our financial support seemed in jeopardy. Some of our backers had threatened to withdraw because they objected to the new headwear regulation that permitted turbans to substitute for the familiar hard-brimmed Stetson. The turban decision was loudly protested but the issue seemed to go away quietly after citizens from coast to coast had vented their steam.

So we carried on, not dreaming that our revered constabulary, having once shot itself in the foot, so to speak, could possibly seek out a new way to further diminish the Mountie image. But now, our somewhat-less-revered-constabulary has done just that and the name of the new embarrassment is Disney or more specifically, The Walt Disney Company (Canada) Ltd.

With this new misadventure, no debate seems possible and our financial support is lost. The Mounties have sold out to the highest bidder. Maybe several years down the road someone will do something about it, but for the present we’ll be true to our Canadian nature and just let it go.

Our RRIF group had good intentions but we were sabotaged. The Mounties now, are seen to be a Mickey Mouse outfit and Walt Disney can call the tune, loony as it may be. Speaking of Loonies, it’s been suggested that if Ottawa wants to use a Mountie image on our new two-dollar coin, we’d probably have to pay Walt for the privilege.

Oo Oo Oo!

THE END

Side Bar

Mr. William Pratt, President of the Mounted Police Foundation, Ottawa, discusses the recently signed licensing agreement in a letter to the Editor of the Toronto Star, published on Saturday, July 15, 1995. The heading over the letter reads, “Mounties sold licensing rights, not heritage, to Disney.”

Mr. Pratt states much of the information reaching Canadians about the licensing agreement between the Mounted Police Foundation and The Walt Disney Company (Canada) Ltd. has been inaccurate.

The Foundation, in agreement with the RCMP, launched a product-licensing program to better control the commercial use of the Forces’ image. The Foundation reviewed offers from both Canadian and American companies and chose Disney mainly because of their background in product licensing, their vast international marketing network, and their Canadian staff.

Disney will grant licenses to qualified manufacturing companies, most of whom will be Canadian. Mr. Pratt said, It is unfortunate the agreement has been interpreted as a sale of RCMP’s marketing rights. The RCMP retains full control over its image.